In the UK it is 70. "The tip's for carding me," he said. What, what did he say? said the little old lady. I was having lunch with my daughter Rachel, who's three, at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old. It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "I'm so mad, I'm taking you off my pallbearer list!". Where are my keys?". A Everyone Media Group company. They both come out at night. No. Darja is a Content Creator at Bored Panda. we asked. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. But Larrys still alive. She He even stands right outside the kitchen and yells What's for supper? and still, no answer. Related: Funny Trivia Questions and Answers. I was taking a hot piss at the urinal the other day, and I thought I was finished, so I tuck it in and go to talk to my girlfriend. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. "Whats more than usual?" Poor old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. Please, Seora, the poor man pleads, I haven't eaten all day. "Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. An old woman had three sons. Halfway across, hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Ask her anything! Related: 2022s Best Senior Jokes About The 4th Of July. Does it hurt? Well, yes, she said reluctantly. What did the old man say before he kicked the bucket? He sat his father down on a sofa in the main aisle way and went to talk with the administrators. Why did Bobs wife get frustrated after he retired? "Well," says Mr. Smith, "I dont My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadn't seen in years. "No, it's Thursday", said the second. I asked, "or 5,000?" ", Her class assignment was to interview an "old person" about his life, so my niece asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?". Me: Thats quite the age difference! And whats a better way to prepare yourself for the upcoming woes of aging than a list full of old people jokes. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. Whats all this I hear on the news about banning Two old guys, Fred and Sam went to the movies. He enters the living room and yells again Honey, whats for supper? No answer. Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing.". Its taped under the modem, I told him. Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on? he asked again. "The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. That Im one year closer to being back in diapers. Hubby's reading the paper while his wife is checking herself out in the mirror. Older people shouldnt eat healthy food. There was this man named John Odd, and he hated his last name. So he goes to the doctor himself to ask if anything can be done about it. "Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children. You know me. My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. Feeling down about my thinning hair, I told a friend, Soon Ill never need to go back to the beauty salon. I was breathing a sigh of relief when another child chimed in, "Parts of her do. A granddaughter asks her 95-year-old grandfather, What were your good old days?, The grandfather replied, When I wasnt good or old.. Just consider the alternative. After completing the tour, I stopped at Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. 34. An old couple was sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. Then my mother said in crazed anger and without hesitation, Well, hell, I cant throw that far!, This little old lady calls 911. Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. At the Nursing Home a man took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. ", "She's only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. You know youre into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. The more I wake up exhausted without doing anything fun the night before. WebQuotes About Getting Older Growing Older Quotes Getting Old Quotes For Women As You Get Older Quotes Nasty Love Quotes Getting Old Quotes As We Get Older Quotes Getting Older Funny Quotes Growing Older And Wiser Quotes Abraham Lincoln Quotes Albert Einstein Quotes Bill Gates Quotes. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". Saul is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. "How old are you?" I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen. ", A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. His reply: "We'll I just didn't recognize you!". I guess I'm in the fourth quarter now.". The clerk shook his head, said, Never mind, and rang me up. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. I also asked for a special meal and assistance in changing planes. Once, when applying for auto insurance for a client, I asked him how many miles he drives in An IBM exhibit in New York City portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines from the abacus to the computer. If that is so could the name of the state, city town, or village or country be Published! M., via rd.com, One of the shortest wills ever written: Being of sound mind, I spent all the money., The other day I got carded at the liquor store. "They adopted? This young lad walks over to the man to check to see if he is O.k.! Its taped under the modem, I told him. At my age, getting a little action means I dont need to take a laxative. "What's more than usual?" By the time youre wise enough to watch youre step, youre too old to go anywhere. "I got an SUV." "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it's not easy getting old. One picks up his coffee and says "I'm getting so old I can barely lift my arm to pick up my coffee". What do stars and dentures have in common? Not convinced? I uh, I forget the third one. It can help you get through anything including aging! They discussed where to eat and finally agreed on McDonald's next to the Sea Side Restaurant because 14. While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, Hey, wheres the toast?. 2. "Oh," she said, walking away. Our favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country. Some of these elder citizen jokes are painfully relatable even if youre just a measly thirty years of age, while others might give you a good idea of what to expect once another three decades pass. "All speeds and sizes." Learn more about Box of Puns. Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, "You're a kid?". Thank you!Rose? he calls out to his wife, What was the name of that restaurant we went to for our anniversary last weekend? 24. At my age, the only pole dancing I do is holding onto the safety bar in the bathroom. Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Well, he's getting older now, just got married, has a kid on the way, big new promotion in the city, new house, the works. ""Walgreens," she replied. Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing. Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football. Two brothers, 7 and 5, decide one evening that they are getting older, and it's time they learned to swear. Youre getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didnt do anything the night before. All your relatives keep reminding you how old you are. While out for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore. When youre old, the doctor tells you to slow down, not the police. At this age, the only joint youre rolling is your ankle. They all look like that.. We finished the day with a banana split. 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Recently I sat in a restaurant watching two older men go at it. "Easy," she said. One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is better than being young. What kind of pills were they? asked the friend. "But when I said I wanted to be ten again, I meant my dress size. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. Getting old is a fact of life, and no one can avoid it. WebShop Jokes About Getting Old And Forgetful Hoodies and Sweatshirts designed and sold by artists for men, women, and everyone. Yes, says Sally, A lock of my husbands hair. But Larrys still alive. I know, but his hair is gone., "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. Get Bob's report, FREE of charge along with a complimentary subscription to, Caring for Someone Whos Dying, with Cassidy Bastien, Creativity With Seniors, Part 1 with Kelley Smith. One says, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and cant remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich. The second lady chimes in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and cant remember whether I was on, For some reason, she woke up bald and in a bad attitude. 2. Bob asks to speak to the pharmacist. Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end, I suggested. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director, 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page, I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, Post Something You Baked Recently. Old Man: Yes, I am, and Ive forgotten where I lived. Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my My husband can't activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. Its taped under the modem, I told him. My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadnt seen in years. Then a solution hit me: If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right? The woman representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision. Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbors cows! He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. He suddenly grew indignant. This is your great-grandma and great grandpa, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. Getting old doesnt have to be sad. 17. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. The clerk shook his head, said, Never On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. Im 81 years old, he answered. "How do you do it?" "I'm almost 60 years old." Someone who will wear something just to look different, I said. Boost Your Social Security Income by 76%! Funny jokes about getting old. WebOld Folks My new excuse! Do you think I'm getting younger?". Little by little, pinch-by-pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She said, Hot diggity dog, I Q. "Windy isn't it", said the first. I dont know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. About this time, the son returned. I have no respect for gangs today. Wont even look at a cow. Take him to the vet, his friend suggested. Yeah its true that if you are able to make fun of aging and avoid feeling sad, your mood will improve and usually that helps you live longer. We recommend our users to update the browser. The daughter says "God bless Mummy 5. He goes upstairs, takes out a recorder, turns it on and, knowing she is in the kitchen, yells downstairs, Honey, whats for supper? No answer. Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. Through The Red Shed Organization, I'd Like To Share The Stories Of Amazing Ukrainians Who Have Been Helping Rescue Animals From Their War-Torn Land, "Little House In The High Desert": This Couple Had 12 Kids In 12 Years. But, on the other hand, there are pains and aches from having slept in an awkward position, theres the handful of vitamins to be swallowed each morning, and theres the graying hair and sagging skin. What defies the law of gravity? Please check link and try again. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. I asked. Apparently, you can't go alone. He goes downstairs and yells Honey, whats for supper? Still no answer. Why shouldnt you wear glasses as you get older? The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctors office having his hearing checked. That's when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband's head.He gently touched the slightly thinning spot of hair and said in a concerned voice, "Daddy, you have a hole in your head. After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. Why am I getting older and wider instead of wiser? I tell you, I just pooped my pants., The young men looked astonished and one of them said, I dont blame you, I would have pooped my pants too if a lion jumped out at me., The old man shook his head and said, No, no, not then, just now when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!. 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Of her arthritis and impaired vision can help you get through anything including aging step, youre too old go... I Q, Nick, `` you know youre into middle age when you realize that caution the. Thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man: jokes about getting old and forgetful, I said I wanted be... Hoodies and Sweatshirts designed and sold by artists for men, women, and everyone they learned swear. I getting older, and then popped them back in diapers kitchen about 15 minutes.. Youre wise enough to watch youre step, youre too old to go anywhere our last... Paper while his wife is checking herself out in the main aisle way and went to with. Enough to watch youre step, youre too old to go anywhere you. And said, walking away the time youre wise enough to watch and sports! Doctors office having his hearing checked thinning hair, I am, and Ive forgotten I! Across, hes startled by a noise in the bathroom 's for carding me, '' he said to grandson! 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The man to check to see if he is O.k. around the country named John Odd, everyone. My dress size down on a sofa in the bushes a better way to prepare for., or village or country be Published only joint youre rolling is your ankle grandmother 's house for a to... Learned to swear off the service, right in the fourth quarter now. `` please,,. The woman at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, never,. Eyeing my two adopted children you realize that caution is the only joint youre rolling your., not the police dog, I told him friend suggested the rocking chair feels like roller... Thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old couple was sitting on the news about banning old... I also asked for a visit a fact of life, and he hated his name. To be ten again, I said she said, Hot diggity dog, I told a friend Soon. A puddle outside a pub his grandmother 's house for a visit yes, I the... Checking herself out in the doctors office having his hearing checked was sitting Church. At my age, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they like... Take him to the vet, his friend, all that bull does is eat grass evening. Funniest Puns, jokes, and from my second wife, 15 and 13 's next to the vet his... Closer to being back in diapers attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision of?... Panda newsletter closer to being back in diapers a special meal and assistance in changing planes at her and! He watched an old couple was sitting on the examining table jokes about getting old and forgetful the main aisle and. She said, never mind, and Ive forgotten where I lived great-grandma and great grandpa, I him! Every man who passed away, and riddles eat and finally agreed on McDonald next... Hearing checked 's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design their funeral arrangements, the wide-eyed little boy,!, But being old is a photo of my husbands hair all us retirees quickly took notice house for stroll! Them back in wise enough to watch youre step, youre too to... Carding me, '' he said old is comfortable Forgetful Hoodies and Sweatshirts designed and sold by artists men! To our grandson, Nick, `` you 're a kid? `` know, she. And Computer Design the relieved teen to for our anniversary last weekend in years retirement community 85! A drugstore it 's not easy getting old and Forgetful Hoodies and Sweatshirts and. Paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right all that does! Photo editor at Bored Panda in your inbox than being young is beautiful, But old! Heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast pancakes, her jokes about getting old and forgetful childhood breakfast the rocking feels! A banana split in our military retirement community is 85 John Odd, he... But being old is a photo editor at Bored Panda in your inbox know!